I watched a youtube video today made by one of Swedens most famous YouTuber, and she talked about anxiety. The video made me think about autumn 2015 and my exhaustion or breakdown that was at its peak then. I was home with Wille September, and October 2015 and all focus was on him because if I slowed down, listened to my body or in other ways stopped, I would have had to change my whole life. Well, that happened whether I wanted it or not and today I am glad that it did. That life in some weird way stepped in and removed me from every person that wasn’t good for me and all the routines and structures I tried to hold on to. I was too tired to keep on fighting for something that drained me. Wille was a big part of my recovery which started in January 2016 and ended this summer 2017. Nothing and nobody including myself were more important than Wille, probably because it was an easier way to go than to explain to everyone what was going on.
He has saved me many times from anxiety. There were so many times I just dropped my bag in the hallway and went on a long walk, up to four, five hours in total silence just so that my heart would stop raising. Wille always there, happy and the worlds best company. Today I see why he became my whole life and why he means so much to me. He came when I needed him the most:) Sweetheart. I am so happy today, grateful for everything I have and how my life, day by day, gets more exciting. I do not rush anymore, If things are meant to happen then they will.
Now I am going to read chapter 3 and 11 in my grammar book and then I am done for today with the studying.